When Words Matter Most

Book Reviews

Mar 9

When Words Matter Most: Speaking Truth with Grace to Those You Love
By: Cheryl Marshall & Caroline Newheiser

“You, and your words, are significant and necessary for the building up of his church… We build up the body of Christ by reminding one another who Christ is and what he’s done for us.”

This is a short, practical book on how to come alongside our loved ones and speak truth in times of struggle.

“We titled this book When Words Matter Most because we believe there are crucial moments in each of our lives when what is heard and believed makes all the difference in the world. When we’re burdened with worry, weariness, sin, or sorrow, we have a choice to build our lives either on the rock of God’s word or the sand of human wisdom. That choice has real consequences.”

This book is concise and full of Scripture. The core of speaking truth with grace is being willing to do it, understanding God’s Word, and having an attitude of humility and compassion.

‘When Words Matter Most’ provides a helpful resource to guide our conversations and provides sections we can even read verbatim to our friends to offer biblical encouragement.

At the end of the preface they included a prayer for the person reading this book. There wasn’t anything particularly profound in the prayer but it was genuine and reading it really touched me. I feel like just reading their prayer for me over myself was calming and encouraging and could be something I do each time I use this book to talk with my family and friends.

It is evident that the authors are writing from experience and compassionate hearts.

Part One

Part One focuses on how God calls us to speak truth and grace and what those two things mean. This is one way we build up and take care of the Lord’s church— carrying one another’s burdens.

Where does this grace come from? From where does the hope come that we offer others? Both of these are sourced in Christ whose grace and mercy gives us life. We love because he first loved us. We can be gracious because we live in the grace of Christ. We can give hope because the hope of the cross is eternal and sufficient.

As we come alongside hurting people we humble ourselves knowing that all of us are sinful, all of us need a Savior, and the power for change and healing is not in us or our words but the power of Christ in us and working through us as we share Truth.

There is a section talking about different kinds of believers that have trouble accepting God’s truth (withdrawn, angry, defensive, struggling, rebellious) and how we can respond biblically.

“Love at the expense of truth isn’t love.”

If we are going to speak truth, we’re going to need to know what truth is. There is a section the authors spend a little time talking about Scripture and its sufficiency, clarity, authority, and necessity. They remind us how truth has the power to transform us.

Scripture sanctifies, wisens, encourages, fortifies, and brings blessings into our lives.

Part Two

Part Two focuses on four kinds of struggles our loved ones might be going through and provides a few Bible passages for each circumstance and how we can pull out gospel truths and communicate these to our people, even if we are reading them straight from the book.

They discuss

Truth for the Worried (Matt 6:25-34; Phil 4:4-9; Ps 27:1-14; Ps 34)
Truth for the Weary (Isa 40:27-31; 2 Cor 4:7-18; 2 Cor 12:7-10; Ps 71)
Truth for the Wayward (Prov 3:5-8; Gal 5:16-25; 2 Cor 7: 9-11; Ps 32:1-11; 2 Cor 2:14-17)
Truth for the Weeping (Ps 13:1-6; Lam 3:19-26, 55-58; 2 Cor 1:3-5; Ps 40)

The Truth for the Weary section is where I am personally, and I found it to be really encouraging. Not only is this book to help us encourage others, but we can pray these truths over ourselves too.

A small caveat, but I wish they would have elaborated when they talked about serving others. They gave some examples but as a mother of four children under 6 I am not sure what that looks like for me. I know I can’t always be the one to serve and that even though my life is hectic I can still find ways to serve, but I can barely make meals for my own family let alone others and get it to them on time. I can’t really go anywhere without either taking my kids or hiring a babysitter. I want to be able to serve, but I could use some ideas of how people at my life stage can serve in ways that actually help people and not add my chaos to their lives.

One thing they mentioned that I had not heard before was the origin of the hymn ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus.’ This is a song sung to me as a child and one I sing to my kids now, too. The writer of that song had a life full of tragedy. By the age of 25 he had lost two fiances to tragic accidents. His mother also suffered illness.

Yet, amidst the worry, the weariness, and the weeping, he penned these words:

“What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer

Oh what peace we often forfeit!
Oh, what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations
Is there trouble anywhere
We should never be discouraged
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee
Thou wilt find a solace there”

I hadn’t really reflected on these words before. They remind us— Jesus is our Friend and there is power in prayer. We can strive to be the best friends we can be for others, but the truest friend there is is Christ. And he is waiting for us to come to him and find rest for our weary, heavy-laden, and weeping souls.

The best thing we can do for our loved ones is to point them to the ultimate Friend.

“Our confidence to speak truth with grace to one another is rooted in knowing that God is present, powerful, and faithful to his promises.”

“Jesus is the one who saves and sanctifies his people, and that was never a weight intended for you to carry. You can’t rescue anyone, but Christ can. You can’t change anyone, but Christ can. You don’t have the power to produce spiritual life and transformation in those you love, but you can have every confidence that Christ does.”

More Quotes:

“We can provide spiritual help by listening (Prov. 18:13), sympathizing (Rom. 12:15), giving encouragement (Eph. 4:29), and interceding for others, praying that they’ll receive mercy and grace in their time of need (Heb. 4:16).”

“In times of trouble, we all need constant reminders of what we know is true about God, just like the psalmist who repeatedly asked himself, “Why are you in despair, oh my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?” Each time, he reassured his own faint heart with the same words of encouragement: “Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God” (Ps. 42:5, 11; 43:5).”

“It may be tempting to simply give unbelievers advice to help their lives run more smoothly, but offering principles for life without the hope and power of the gospel won’t give them relief from their heaviest burden—the burden of sin and its condemnation. Beware of providing unbelievers with only temporary solutions that ignore the spiritual realities in their lives.”

“If she sins, speak of God’s forgiveness. If she fails, speak of God’s mercy. If she doubts, speak of God’s faithfulness. If she suffers, speak of God’s lovingkindness. And if she hurts or offends you, remember that as God has been gracious to you in your salvation, you must also be gracious to her—especially when you speak.”

“As you grow in understanding and appreciating the grace of God in your own life—especially as you meditate on his grace in your salvation, sanctification, and glorification—your speech will become more grace filled. Your words will become more loving, and you will find yourself speaking freely of the grace of God.”

“If you’re honest with the Lord and yourself about your own struggles and shortcomings, then you won’t be shocked, judgmental, or easily offended when a friend shares her sin and failures with you. To respond with humility, own the fact that you’re a sinner as well (Rom. 3:23). You both need the same Savior.”

“You can’t tell the Lord how to care for you, but you can trust that he always will. Wait for him to work in your life, believing that you’ll see the goodness of the Lord. As you wait for and remind yourself how trustworthy he is, the Lord will give you strength and courage to persevere. Let the knowledge of his goodness toward you dispel your worry and fill you with a steadfast faith.”

“You can do whatever God calls you to do—persevere in suffering, walk in obedience, be content in every circumstance—with the help he gives. The Lord will fill your weakness with power and your weariness with endurance. When you lack strength, his grace will increase in you all the more…”

“though you may agree with what he says is good, don’t fall into the trap of believing your sinful choices are better for you because of the circumstances in which you find yourself.”

“He’ll redeem what has been lost and broken in your life and use it to display his glory in you. And in this there’s great joy—the joy of forgiveness, the joy of righteousness, the joy of life in Christ. Praise him for his steadfast love!”

“Your role in the lives of those who weep isn’t to be their sole comforter; your role is to direct them to the Comforter of their souls.”

“He’s the ultimate source of every true act of comfort. He’s the hand behind the friend who helps you, the truth behind the song that calms you, the Creator behind the nature that refreshes you, and the giver behind every gift that blesses you. His Spirit applies his word to your heart like a soothing balm, and he pours his peace into your soul like a cool river in a parched land. No affliction enters your life that doesn’t have a corresponding comfort from the Lord.”

Four Books Quoted in When Words Matter Most: