Joy

Fruitful Motherhood: Joy
By: Brittany Shields

Joy (/joi/): delight, satisfaction, wonder

“Happiness in God should be more than memories and anticipation. Circumstances constantly change, and good news comes and goes, but we should look to God for happiness now. Why? Because the Good News of happiness has come, it is still here, and it will never go away.” - Randy Alcorn, Happiness

There is often a debate between joy and happiness. Many like to view joy as the ‘Christian’ feeling and happiness as the ‘secular’ emotion.

But Randy Alcorn, in his book Happiness, urges us to stop thinking that way.

He quotes John Piper who says, "If you have nice little categories for 'joy is is what Christians have' and 'happiness is what the world has' you can scrap those when you go to the Bible, because the Bible is indiscriminate in its uses of the language of happiness and joy and contentment and satisfaction." 

He expands on the original language in his book, but he reminds us that “Satan's strategy is to divorce pleasure from its logical connection with God. In doing so, he robs God of glory and us of happiness!” 

He also gives the illustration of someone eating a rotten fruit. One can oppose rottenness but not fruit in general. In the same way there’s righteous happiness and sinful happiness.

God is Joy

We hear ‘God is love’ all the time. But have you ever said or heard ‘God is happy?’

Does that seem weird to say?

Because it’s true! Just as with every fruit of the Spirit— we love because God is love; we are patient because God is patient; we are gentle because he is gentle.

We exhibit joy because God is joy!

1 Timothy 1:11 says, “in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted.” ‘Blessed’ means happy, so blessed God means ‘happy God.’

Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

It is also true that we can grieve God by our sin and that he enacts his wrath against injustice, but it is abundantly clear in Scripture that God is not some distant ruler smiting people left and right in some sort of cruel satisfaction.

We are created in his image and we have the capacity for happiness. We are reflecting his happiness.

But our joy is empty if we find it in anything other than God. We are made to worship and we worship what we take pleasure in. If we don’t worship God we will worship something else. All too easily we make idols of earthly things.

I like this quote from Puritan Jeremiah Burroughs who profoundly describes the futility of finding happiness outside of Christ: "That is just as if a man were hungry, and to satisfy his craving stomach he should gape and hold open his mouth to take in the wind, and then should think that the reason why he is not satisfied is because he has not got enough of the wind; no, the reason is because the thing is not suitable to a craving stomach." 

Maybe when we find we aren’t happy it’s because we’re sucking wind.

Prune

At the heart of happiness or joy is satisfaction. When we don’t feel joyful it’s usually because things aren’t the way we want them. When we bear the fruit of joy we are testifying to our satisfaction in Christ.

As Christians, we have all we need in Christ so we have the best reason to be happy.

So why don’t we always feel happy?

I was reflecting on the question- ‘What steals my joy?’

I thought of four things: sin, discontentment, criticism, and resentment.

Our own sin steals our joy. If joy connects us to God and sin separates us from God, then sin separates us from joy.

The next three are usually tangled up together and I feel them more frequently than I’d like to admit.

Have you heard of mom-guilt? I’m sure you have. It’s what we feel when we compare ourselves to other moms. It’s the inadequacy we feel because we don’t measure up to some arbitrary standard we’re setting for ourselves for no good reason.

When I feel insecure of my own parenting I tend to criticize. I look judgmentally at others to make myself feel better. But I assure you, criticism is not coupled with happiness.

Another thing we get when we compare ourselves or our situations with others is discontentment and resentment. We want what others have. Maybe we see a mom who is pursuing a fulfilling career or a stay-at-home mom who has time to pursue her passion of photography or gardening or music. Maybe there’s a mom with a husband who does all the cooking or they can afford to hire a cleaning service.

There are endless things we can be discontent with. I’ve probably felt them all.

Sometimes I resent that my husband can go out to lunch with friends whenever he wants to. He can go play golf and he doesn’t have to organize a sitter. And usually all his male friends also have that freedom. I’m a stay-at-home mom. I can’t just go out for lunch with friends. If I want to do anything by myself I have to find someone to watch the kids. Sometimes that makes me feel trapped.

I want to be a stay-at-home mom. This is what I wanted and I am thankful for it. But my sin nature pops up and I feel trapped. Or I wonder if I’m missing out on something. Is my little home-bubble all there is?

Sin, discontentment, criticism, and resentment are dangerous and grow like weeds. To bear the fruit of joy, we need to prune them from our lives.

Grow

What does it look like to bear the fruit of joy in motherhood?

If our sin, criticism, resentment, and discontentment steals our joy, then how do we combat them?

First is pretty straightforward— I need to confess my sin.

When I feel critical, I need to stop and look at other moms and see image-bearers. Our sin nature levels the playing field and we are all in need of God’s grace. We need to build one another up, not tear each other down.

Pray for other moms. They may look like they have it all, but I promise you, every single one of them struggles.

When I feel discontent and resentful, I need to sit down and think about all that I can be thankful for. When we have hearts of gratitude for all that God is and all that he has blessed us with through Christ, how can we be dissatisfied? He is all we need and I need to trust him with my life as it is. I need to trust that he has me where I need to be and that he will use it in bigger ways than I can imagine.

Another element of this is times of heartache, pain, and trials. Sometimes what steals our joy is something inexplicable and tragic. It cuts us down at the knees.

Bridges acknowledges these feelings: “Yet, if we are honest, most of us must admit that life is so often anything but joyful. It often seems that at best life is dull, and at worst it is filled with anxiety, conflict, and tension.”  

But we know who God is and we know that he is sovereign over all. Even if we don’t get the why’s of what is happening in our lives, God invites us to just cling to him. He is our strength and our fortress and our place of rest. In him we can find joy even when our circumstances bring sorrow.

My feelings and the way I view my circumstances is not a measure of his love.

“Martin Luther is credited with saying, ‘You can't stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair.’” (Alcorn)

To bear the fruit of joy as a mom, I need to trust God with the life I have right now and thank him for who he is and what he has given me. I need to view others as image-bearers and pray for them.

I love this quote. I think it’s worth reading every day to spur us on to happiness:

“If you believe in the God of the Bible, if you've placed your faith in Jesus Christ as your Redeemer, then the following things are true: The price for your happiness has been paid; The basis for your happiness is secure; The resources for your happiness are provided daily; The assurance of your eternal happiness is absolute, providing an objective reason for your happiness today.” (Alcorn)

Nourish and Fortify

Fruit doesn’t grow without nourishment and water.

Jesus is the light, the living water and our daily bread.

Reflect on these verses from his word that will help us bear fruit.

“For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy.” (Ps 92:4)

“I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” (Phil 4:11)

“As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.” (1 Tim 6:17-19)

“Let those who delight in my righteousness shout for joy and be glad and say evermore, ‘Great is the Lord, who delights in the welfare of his servant!’” (Ps 35:27)

“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.” (Job 8:21)

“Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.” (Jn 16:22)

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Rm 15:13)

Pray

Dear God,

Every good thing comes from you! Thank you for creating me to experience joy and to see the beauty in your creation. Especially my kids. I am in awe of the way you have created us with such diversity and depth. We owe you every breath.

But I confess that I don’t live out of your sufficiency. I get envious of others, I compare my life with others and feel like what I have isn’t good enough, and I’m sorry. You’ve given me so much but I don’t thank you enough.

I know you have me where I am for a reason, but sometimes I feel trapped or feel like there must be more for me somewhere else. Help me to trust you with every day and trust that you can turn my daily obedience into something great for your kingdom. And help me to recognize when you’re calling me to step out into something new.

I also confess that too often I criticize other moms because I’m insecure in my own mothering. Help me to see other people the way you see them. Help me to think of praying for them instead of comparing their choices to mine. Give me a heart of thankfulness and take away my cynicism. I want to be a happy person, satisfied in you and trusting you with every day.

I sing your praise for you have been good to me.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Books Referenced:

The Fruitful Life: The Overflow of God’s Love Through You by Jerry Bridges

The Fruit of the Spirit: Walk by the Spirit, Bear His Fruit by Sarah Morrison (The Daily Grace Co.)

Happiness by Randy Alcorn

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