A Church That Cares
A Church That Cares: A Biblical Guide to Loving One Another Well
By: Helen Thorne-Allenson
Many people leave churches or the Christian faith altogether often because they don’t feel cared for in their church, especially in particular difficult situations. Knowing that made me want to pick up this book because I want to be part of a church who cares for people well.
I don’t feel like nurturing comes naturally to me (outside of nurturing my own kids). But I know that’s not a reason to avoid thinking about good care as if I’m incapable of doing it. We are all called to love one another. Jesus said that they’ll know we are his disciples by our love. So the way we care for others, especially in the church is vital.
I would say that this book is probably going to be a more effective book for pastors or those in leadership positions (heads of ministries or small group leaders) because they set the tone and structure for good care and train others how to do it. But it would still be a good book for a layperson to read to understand what the leaders are trying to do and be able to get on board and help support their efforts.
There is plenty of information in here that can be directly applied for any person, not just those in charge.
Helen begins her book saying,
“Churches are a lot like gardens. A culture will always grow— an approach to caring for others will always emerge. But what the culture is and how it functions will depend on the kind of nurturing the church has been given: the sort of teaching they have received, the kind of role-modeling that has been displayed, and the quality of relationships that have been grown. A flourishing culture will not just appear by accident or simply come to pass because gospel truth is proclaimed with gentleness. If we want our churches to overflow with the love of Christ in ways that encourage people to come to Christ and grow in Christ, in all seasons of life, there needs to be an intentionality in tending that growth. Without it, love and care can get muddled or muted or pushed to one side.”
I think this is a great analogy for this topic. I think it’s easy for a church to not be intentional with this believing that if we’re all Christians we’re all going to be doing this so we don’t need to tend to it— the fruit will just be there. But we’re all selfish by nature. We need help and encouragement to step outside of our own lives and look to the needs of others. We need help pulling the weeds that threaten to overtake the fruit.
In the second chapter, she details six distinctives of healthy caring church culture, gathered from Ephesians 4, that enable a church to flourish, having shared attitudes, values, and actions:
gentle humility
real unity
passion for equipping
desire for maturity
preparation for suffering
commitment to wise speech
The rest of the book tackles areas to start practically building a healthy culture of care in your church like prayer, listening, vision setting, role-modeling, teaching, etc.
Even though I tend to be a black-and-white, give me the step by step instructions to accomplish what I want kind of person, I like that she doesn’t try to provide a one size fits all approach to creating a healthy culture. She gives questions to help you think about how to apply the principles to your particular church situation and see what the needs are.
In her last chapter she says that she hopes the reader fits into one of these two categories:
You are really excited and keen to get going.
or
You are really excited but feeling a little overwhelmed.
She says by nature she is an activist- someone with tons of ideas and the energy and enthusiasm to go after them.
That is definitely not me. So I fell into the second group though I would change it to ‘kinda excited and a little overwhelmed.’
Her book definitely gave me things to think about, but I’m currently at a small church plant that’s figuring lots of things out and I struggled a little to determine which parts of the book should be a priority or would work with the structure that’s currently in place.
I’m also not in any sort of leadership position so I might have to wait for things to take shape at church and see if any of these ideas could come to life.
Nevertheless, from an individual perspective, I can still take these concepts and try to integrate them in my own interactions and relationships with others by being a better listener, by trying to model hospitality, pointing to Jesus, and answering questions honestly, by sharing what God is doing in my own life, and by spending more time in prayer about it— that God would work on my own heart to have a better sensitivity to care for people who are hard to care for or be willing to be inconvenienced to care for someone else.
A note on small groups. This is a topic that has befuddled me for some time now— what is the point of them? what should they look like? why do they fail? all the things.
I am planning to read Brad House’s book called Community which I think might be helpful (stay tuned for a review) but Helen recommended Steve Midgley’s paper on small groups called ‘Something Worth Meeting For.’ Turns out I had to pay to download it ($1.99) but I bought it and read it and thought it was a good paper for pastors who want to work on changing the culture of small groups and caring for people within those.
Recommendation
A Church that Cares is definitely a good book for pastors and people in leadership positions— I think it will help leaders know how to start changing their church’s culture on caring for others.
There are principles here for laypeople that are helpful, but if you only want to read one book on how you can individually love others better, I wonder if Edward T. Welch’s book Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love might be a better option. I haven’t personally read it yet (it’s on my shelf) but it seems like it might speak more to individual practicalities.
I would also recommend When Words Matter Most: Speaking Truth with Grace to Those You Love by Cheryl Marshall and Caroline Newheiser as another good book to help care for others going through hard times.
**Received a copy via The Good Book Company in exchange for an honest review**
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