Good News for Parents
Good News for Parents: How God Can Restore Our Joy and Relieve Our Burdens
By: Adam Griffin
“Sometimes the relief is not in changing what you are doing but in embracing why you are doing it.”
I recently read The Myth of Good Christian Parenting which was not super encouraging (arguably it wasn’t trying to be), but it made me excited to read this book that I knew was waiting for me on my shelf.
The Myth of Good Christian Parenting criticizes several Christian parenting books (and Christian figures), pointing to ‘misguided’ theological beliefs as the problem. Having read and been encouraged by a lot of Christian parenting books, I disagree with the idea that parenting shouldn’t be ‘Christian’. I think there is a way to parent from our theology and I think it’s very important we do so.
Whether or not we call it ‘Christian parenting’, the gospel message has to be so central to our parenting or we are left with a lot of discouragement, feelings of failure, and hopelessness. There’s nothing like parenting to make you fully realize how little control you have over anything.
All that to say, I am very glad to have read Adam Griffin’s book because it is indeed good news for parents and I think all parents need some good news in the midst of our daily battles and worries!
In Griffin’s introduction he explains why he wrote this book. He knows there are books that give strategies or techniques to help with your parenting (he isn’t trying to replace those), but he was noticing that many parents still just felt overwhelmed by it all.
“How do you balance all these systems, liturgies, strategies, and new techniques? Someone is trying to offer you wisdom, but all you see is your mistakes, and all you hear is accusatory criticism…I wanted to write so I could offer you something… that will help you be able to hear what it takes to honor God while attempting to be a great parent and not feel overwhelmed by it. We will miss out on so much if we are so anxious, so stressed, or so discouraged that we can’t receive guidance without feeling more lost.”
I found Griffin’s writing to be super relatable. From the not eating the ends of the hotdogs (me… as an adult) to the sleepless nights, the wild imagination of being an adult, and just all the ups and downs and struggles of navigating all the information we’re getting from all the sources— he gets what it’s like to be a parent:
“… a never-ending list of straightforward yet urgent and seemingly unattainable, almost contradictory principles. It’s avoiding too much of this while not doing too little of that at the same time… It’s simple: Parenting is important and impossible.”
Important and impossible feels exactly right.
His antidote to the anxiety, stress, and despair is what he calls operating from the belief that we are “home-free.”
This refers to the relief of knowing that “nothing can defeat you… the race is already won…” It’s the boat coming out of a storm and seeing the shore. Not quite there, but home-free.
“It’s an invincible contentment that comes from believing the promises of God for those who trust in Christ… The worst thing that could happen to you will not happen, and the best thing that could ever happen to you is totally guaranteed. Though suffering may not be less common or less painful for you, though you will still face temptation and sin in this life, truly nothing can prevent you from reaching your ultimate destination. You live content and at peace persevering in affliction, because you are home-free.”
We are not running a race, hoping we win. Our kids are not our opponents. Other parents are not our opponents. We don’t need to panic or worry if we believe Jesus’ work on the cross. He won, so we don’t have to. He is the sovereign Lord, in control of everything. We can’t save our kids, only he can.
This means we have— through the Spirit— (and these are the chapter titles):
Freedom: relief from shame
Love: relief from stress
Joy: relief from despair
Peace: relief from anxiety
Patience: relief from exhaustion
Kindness: relief from bitterness
Goodness: relief from inadequacy
Faithfulness: relief from fear
Gentleness: relief from conflict
Self-Control: relief from people-pleasing
I thought it was really cool how he took the fruit of the Spirit and pointed out what it relieves us of. There are a lot of books written on the fruit of the Spirit for a good reason. They are the blessings we get from abiding in Christ, being attached to the vine, the source of growth. This book does a great job showing how they can manifest for us as parents.
I got so much from every single chapter, but I think a few that stuck out for me right now were the Love, Patience, and Kindness chapters.
Each chapter ends with a prayer and some reflection questions. The prayer on page 47 in the love chapter is one I could see myself praying every day. Each prayer is very genuine and is a helpful action step to take after reading.
The patience chapter re-framed for me what patience means and how to instill a better definition of it for both my kids and myself.
“Patience is the ability to put up with a lot for a long time and still be okay. It’s stamina. Fortitude. Moxie. Endurance. Perseverance. Determination… We use the word ‘patience’ as a synonym for ‘timidity,’ while in the Bible it’s more like ‘tenacity.’ Patience is as much about grit and guts as it is about calm and composure.”
Lots of encouragement in this book but also a lot of conviction. That’s what the kindness chapter was for me— a recognition I needed to adjust some of the things I was saying or doing.
I think every parent will find that this book relieves so much pressure we face to be perfect parents. It eases the guilt we feel about times we’ve messed up, and it brings home the truth that we aren’t (and shouldn’t be) doing this parenting thing alone. We have the power of the Holy Spirit to relieve this burden for us. Not so that we do nothing, but that we joyfully and faithfully do the work he has called us to. When we are under his yoke— instead of one forced upon us by ourselves or those around us— it is easy and light.
The chapter that surprised me was the one on self-control. I thought this was going to go in the direction of restraining yourself in discipline or in coping methods during stressful seasons. But this chapter was actually about exercising self- control in not conforming to worldly parenting decisions.
He said we actually do want stubborn and strong-willed children because we want them to be able to stand up against the current of culture.
“As much as many forms of obstinance are totally undesirable in a child, if we are raising kids the way God called us to, we actually want to foster and cultivate a resolute, holy stubbornness. We want to raise our kids to be defiant. Yes, we want rebellious children. We are trying our best to form strong-willed children… In whatever ways that the world is opposed to the things of God, we want our kids to choose God instead of the world.”
As Christians we will be different from the world. There will be temptations to give in and go with the flow, but we have to be self-controlled to parent different.
This was a new way to look at self-control that was good. I liked that it provided a way to look at my strong-willed kids and show them how God gave them that as a gift and they can use it for good.
I’ve said this book is relatable, and it is— if I didn’t know better Adam Griffin is one of our closest friends and used our family’s struggles to write this— but there was one thing I had to narrow my eyes a smidge bit.
He was asked on a podcast what popular parenting advice he would disagree with and his answer was actually also in the book. He has a problem with parents who say that they don’t go on vacation with their kids they go on trips. I’ve literally said this.
What he’s getting at is that parents have a tendency to treat their kids as burdens instead of blessings. Treat them like inconveniences that ruin things instead of make things better. And I get it— looking at parental responsibilities as chores and obligations takes the joy away and we need to remember to love and treasure our kids. Totally agree.
But I do think I have to change my mindset when I go on a vacation/trip with my kids vs when I go on one without them. I do have a lot of fun with them and we make a lot of good memories, but the mindset is different; your body literally feels different than when you come home from a vacation/trip with uninterrupted sleep and no vomit to clean up vs the opposite.
Nonetheless, still a good reminder that I don’t want to be sending my kids a message that they impede my life in ways I regret. Because that’s not true.
I could go on and on about the information I gleaned, but I suggest you read it for yourself. Here are a few more quotes to convince you:
“It feels like a relief to ignore our responsibilities, to procrastinate or forsake them altogether. It can stress us out if we refuse to do them! But neglecting our parental duty will never bring true relief since the work needs to be done and we are the ones to do it. Relief isn’t the same thing as being excused from doing hard things. Love doesn’t always lead us to less labor. Sometimes love is the very reason to take on challenges and overcome them.”
“God’s freedom is not permission to make performance and comparison our measure of value, nor is it freedom to pursue disobedience or take God’s place from him. That would be returning to a ‘yoke of slavery’ (Gal 5:1) You have been set free not only from something but also for something. Christians are saved from sin and death so that they can do good works. God set us free so that now, instead of always running towards sin, judgment, and condemnation, we get to run toward him and the gospel gifts he offers.”
“As your Master, God gives you strength to face temptations and leads you to choose what is good, even if it leads to a harder life.”
“We can do all this, confident that he sees each little task, he sees us, and he is pleased with our living sacrifice. So in that way, love for our God relieves the stress of doing all the things for our kids because regardless of what the temporal task is, it’s all worship to the eternal Lord. It is all significant. It all matters.”
“If you are struggling with stress from life’s pressures, the relief you need isn’t found in procrastination. It’s not found in productivity. It’s not found in meeting the expectations of others. Those are false relief. The relief you need is found in faith. Faith in Jesus Christ. Faith that, because of his love, you are home-free… he is eager to relieve your burdens…”
“We overestimate the threats our family faces, and we underestimate the God who is for us, not against us. Doing that will always lead to anxiety.”
“As Christian parents, we should be undaunted not because we never expect to fail but because we have faith that even in every failure, mistake, and grief, God is working out a greater triumph.”
Recommendation
Awhile back I wrote a blog post about how I thought that ‘relief’ was the best emotion. My exploration meanders around relief and lands on hope, and having now read Good News for Parents, I think my original thoughts stand. Relief is one of the greatest feelings and we have relief from so many things because we have hope. This book offers that feeling— that truth— to parents.
Relief and hope that is grounded in Christ’s work on the cross and his gift of his Spirit. Hope that will not disappoint.
As Griffin reminds and assures us— we may not have a hurt-free home, but we can live in a home-free home.
I whole-heartedly recommend this book to all parents. It’s not a replacement for ‘practical’ parenting books that share techniques and strategies and advice, but it is a necessary supplement that allows us to hear advice without feeling overwhelmed or doomed.
It’s a book I will be revisiting multiple times to remind myself how to live home-free.
I received a copy of this book via Crossway Publishing, but this is my own honest review. You can order a copy of this book using my affiliate link below.
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