Humility
Humility: The Joy of Self-Forgetfulness
By: Gavin Ortlund
“Humility is the nourishing, calming acceptance that you have a small place in a much larger story: that your life is being guided by something far bigger than your plans or controls, and serving something far bigger than your ‘sole benefit.’”
This book is not to be confused with Tim Keller’s book, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, which is also a great read. Ortlund has written this nice little book (95 pages) that is super practical for both leaders and non-leaders to kill pride and foster humility that can’t help but turn into joy.
While there is naturally some overlap, they look at humility from a little different angles.
If I’m remembering Keller’s book correctly, it focuses a lot on achievement vs rest and how our identity is not wrapped up in what we do right or wrong.
Similarly, Ortlund does touch on how the gospel message fuels our humility. Both authors also make distinctions between self-love, self-hatred, and humility.
However, Ortlund goes a little further than I believe Keller did by giving a lot of practical action steps. He gives ten steps to kill pride, and he has chapters written specifically for humility in leadership (which includes parents), humility towards our peers, and humility towards leaders (as church members).
Both books are short and valuable so go ahead and read them both!
Ortlund begins his book with addressing three misconceptions of humility that are very important. I think we get these wrong a lot!
He says that humility is not “hiding,” “self-hatred,” or “weakness.”
It’s been said that humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. It’s not about self-degradation or puffing yourself up, but having a correct view of the self.
Ortlund advises, “Whatever else humility will require of you, it will never rob you of your dignity as an image bearer of God.”
We can still take care of ourselves and view ourselves in a healthy way that recognizes our dignity as God’s creation.
Because our identity and worth is in Christ and not in our achievements or appearances, “it frees us from the restricting needs of the ego— the need to be in charge, the need to look good, the need to defend ourselves, and so on.”
Ironically, self-hiding, self-hatred, and self-protection all cause us to still be pre-occupied with ourselves. Humility frees us from self-preoccupation.
When we think about how the gospel is the foundation and the fuel for humility, Ortlund points out that we need to face these sobering thoughts first:
“The gospel teaches us to measure our pride by the cross of Christ… our pride put the Son of God on the cross… our sins put Jesus on the cross.”
“We bow twice… We bow first before God because we are creatures and he is Creator; then we bow again because we are sinners and he is Judge and Savior.”
We must see this reality first, and then we can move on to the next reality: the gospel also says that those sins are covered.
We have been given new life; we are new creations. We have been offered forgiveness for those sins and the gift of Christ’s righteousness. None of this is our own doing, but rests solely in the power and hands of Jesus. Our ego can have no foothold.
All of this is proof that we are so tenderly loved by God, so we are humbled and filled with joy that we can just be part of God’s bigger story of redemption. We are free from having to tell a better story that puts us at the center. The joy of humility and self-forgetfulness.
I won’t list them all but some of the ways he recommends to kill pride was to become better listeners, to practice gratitude, to learn from criticism, laugh at yourself, and enjoy life— gratefully accepting right pleasures as gifts from God.
When Ortlund talked about humility in leadership he was clear and transparent about the failures of so many leaders who used their position of power to abuse and hurt others. He believes these things can ultimately be traced back to lack of humility.
“I’d put it this strongly: if you are in a position of authority, you will become either a servant or a bully. Your authority will be experienced by others as either freedom or oppression, depending on whether it is marked by humility.”
His strategies for maintaining humility as a leader (including parents) is to be unthreatened by others’ success and abilities, to be able to delegate to others, make a practice of encouraging others, correct in gentleness, and be willing to apologize.
I don’t hold a corporate place of leadership but as a parent, I recognize how these are so important and relevant to leading my kids. I need to do a better job of those last three and I think that will make a big difference in my relationship with my kids. I think we forget that it’s easy to become a bully of a parent rather than a servant because we think that’s the only way to teach obedience, but it’s definitely not. Humility is such a key to good parenting and I needed that reminder!
The chapter about humility towards peers zeroed in on combating envy. I thought it was good how he showed the danger and miserableness of envy. I think we downplay it way more than we should.
To fight envy, we can pray for the blessing of others. Another way— this is his epilogue— get off social media. Get off any platform that puts you in an endless cycle of seeing all the things you don’t have but want, seeing what everyone else is doing that you’re not, seeing what everyone else’s friends or spouses are doing that yours aren’t. All it does is sow discontentment and envy which steals your joy so easily.
Ortlund doesn’t say to get off of it. He more so addresses self-promotion and meanness, which are also good reminders, but I think some people might be so entrenched in the social media world that they need to take a hiatus to see how much it really is affecting them.
The last chapter is about humility towards leadership. This is a tricky chapter because the main theme is ‘submission’ which always makes people flinch— myself included. I’ve had bad experiences with church leadership where it made submitting really hard.
Ortlund reminds us: “Submission does not mean blind acceptance or passive reception of whatever the leadership says or does.”
Instead, a better way to look at submission is “accepting something you otherwise would not choose. It means turning, changing, adjusting.”
It takes a lot of discernment to know when the leadership is just doing something you wouldn’t choose or when it has crossed the line into something that needs church discipline, etc.
We can pray for discernment, but another way Ortlund encourages church members to submit to leadership is to simply be teachable: “you want to be the kind of person to whom it is easy to give advice, who really listens to and values others’ feedback.”
I thought this was a really good, but convicting, piece of advice: “Instead of saying ‘I will support the leadership if I have a good reason to’ say, ‘I will joyfully support the leadership unless I have a good reason not to.’”
Recommendation
It’s a little book that packs a punch and gives actionable steps to embrace humility whether you pastor a church, parent a family, or interact with peers.
I would definitely recommend this book.
The Ortlund brothers have written some great books, if you’re interested in more you can see what I’ve reviewed at these links: Gavin Ortlund, Eric Ortlund, Dane Ortlund.
You can order a copy of this book using my affiliate link below.
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