The Myth of Good Christian Parenting
The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families
By: Marissa Franks Burt & Kelsey Kramer McGinnis
“This myth—that God provides a formula for ‘good Christian parenting’—permeates these resources, presenting an aspirational goal while also motivating parents with high eternal stakes.”
When I saw the title of this book I was curious because it implies there is no such thing as ‘good Christian parenting.’ As someone who has been encouraged by several Christian parenting books, I was interested to see what claims would be made and what culpability the authors (MFB & KKM) believe evangelicals bear in ‘betraying’ a generation.
In many ways, the tone of this book reminded me of Kristin Kobes Du Mez’s Jesus and John Wayne. Like Du Mez, these authors make sweeping generalizations about evangelicals, but unlike JJW, I found more points of agreement here. The Myth of Good Christian Parenting raises real concerns worth listening to—especially about abuse and the misuse of authority. The question I wrestled with, though, was this: Does the book offer enough value to outweigh the theological and interpretive concerns it raises?
I labored over this review because I don’t want to dismiss the voices of those who truly were hurt by poor or abusive teaching in their churches. Lived experience matters, and we should listen humbly to those who share it; there are some very disturbing things in this book that I would never condone.
Still, I don’t believe the doctrines the authors identify—original sin, penal substitutionary atonement (PSA), or biblical authority—are the root of the problem. These doctrines, rightly understood and applied, are not catalysts for abuse; they are anchors of the gospel. I also don’t believe that the biblical concepts of authority and obedience, when handled with humility and grace, lead naturally to harm.
As I processed this book with multiple people I realized how easy it is to get into the weeds trying to untangle all that the book claims. I’m going to try to narrow the scope of my review to what I think are the big rocks and leave the dissecting to someone more qualified to evaluate the details.
If I had to summarize the book’s thesis, it would be: Many Evangelical leaders have misguided parents by teaching and declaring ‘biblical’ doctrines that have led to harmful parenting practices. (not a direct quote)
Where We Can Agree
I believe the heart of this book rests in its desire to protect children from abuse. Children are beautiful, precious, image-bearing souls, and any form of abuse—physical, emotional, or spiritual—has no place in the church. The authors’ charge to protect children and their plea for parents to cherish them is both timely and important.
I also think they make great points cautioning parents to avoid allowing their online communities to replace the role of the church in their lives.
“A parent who follows an influencer might find comfort in getting advice from a faraway, seemingly put-together figure who can’t judge or question their private choices.”
The size of the platform of an influencer (or the aesthetic beauty of their posts) is not how we measure truth. Just having the label ‘Christian’ does not actually mean the content shared aligns with Scripture.
We should be using discernment in all areas of our lives and holding any teaching up to Scripture— our ultimate authority.
Similarly, the authors are right to caution against self-help books that capitalize on fear.
Parenting is a sensitive area to write about because we all desire to be good parents. Fear of failing them makes parents easy targets for formulas and promises. That’s why parents might even buy this book— fear of making the same mistakes of others.
As the book notes,
“Fear and the fervent desire to be the right kind of parents makes people desperate for answers, promises, and a guarantee that their kids will be okay.”
The reality is, no parenting method or formula guarantees salvation or success. The Bible calls parents to faithfulness, not perfection. Salvation belongs to the Lord alone.
I also agree that the idea that there is only right way to discipline is a myth.
Every family and child is different and not all discipline will or should look the same.
The Bible makes many exclusive claims, but there are no prescriptions for what exact parenting methods should be used. God commands us to discipline our children just as He disciplines those he loves. Wise discipline requires discernment, and is for our good, our children’s good, bringing blessing. (Hebrew 12:9-11; Ephesians 6:1-4; Luke 11:28, etc)
Where I Disagree
But here is where the authors and I part ways.
Their main contention is that certain evangelical doctrines—especially sin, original sin, PSA, biblical inerrancy, and complementarianism—have fostered harmful parenting and even abuse. I simply don’t believe that’s true. These doctrines, when rightly taught, actually protect us from abuse and distortion because they root our understanding of authority, forgiveness, and grace in the character of God.
The authors write:
“Our intention here is not to attempt to identify the ‘right’ theological perspective but instead to point out the diversity of perspectives within the Christian tradition and highlight the fact that these ideas developed over time. Theology, particularly regarding ideas that neither Scripture nor church tradition speaks clearly on, is an imprecise endeavor. That fact alone should sober the pastor-teachers who so easily describe children and toddlers as ‘sinners.’”
“Historically speaking, [PSA] is one among several perspectives. But making it the perspective—and then formulating ritualized discipline and spanking around it—verges on idolatry.”
It’s ironic that they criticize evangelicals for being too confident in their theology, yet they confidently label those same doctrines as “misguided.” Historically and biblically, however, these are orthodox Christian beliefs.
If there is no original sin, then at what point/age does a person become a sinner?
I don’t have the space to list all the Biblical support for original sin but HERE and HERE are good articles to start with. For PSA, I would recommend starting HERE and HERE.
Original sin goes back to the garden when Adam and Eve rebelled against God believing they knew better what was right and good. Sin then entered the world, corrupting every human heart. (Romans 5:12). This doctrine reminds us that rejecting authority isn’t just learned; it’s inherent.
To only have a doctrine of sin, it would be quite depressing and damaging. But we must always be teaching the full counsel of God. The gospel message is that even while we were disobedient sinners, Christ died for us out of his love, paying the cost for our sin (atonement). He stood in our place (substitute) living the perfect life we never could, dying the death we deserve, and giving us his righteousness.
That truth transforms not only our view of God but also how we parent.
When parents understand PSA, they discipline not to punish but to restore. We forgive as we’ve been forgiven. We teach obedience as a loving response to God’s grace, not as a condition for love or acceptance.
To the parents who were told that spanking could “atone” for their child’s sin—those words are tragic and wrong. That is not the gospel. That distortion does not flow from the doctrines of sin and atonement, but from misunderstanding them.
One heartbreaking thread throughout the book is the way some children internalized shame and self-hatred from these teachings, coming to believe they were “bad and disgusting to God unless they obeyed Him.” If that’s how children are hearing the message, then we’ve failed to teach the whole gospel. The goal isn’t to crush children with guilt but to lead them to Jesus, who has already borne their guilt.
More could be said, but I’ll move to the next ‘rock.’
The authors also spend a lot of time talking about authority, obedience, hierarchy, and power. It seems they view authority through a lens of power and oppression. (It felt very in line with a lot of critical theory, but that’s a rabbit trail.)
It was a little hard to determine if the authors had a problem with authority and obedience in general or if it was just their perception that evangelical Christians overemphasized these two things at the expense of other characteristics of God.
“At the foundation of Dobson’s successful empire is this imperative: Parents must exercise and protect their authority, and children must obey. Without both parents and children playing their rightful part, society would crumble.”
“Evangelicals are often the first and loudest to claim that ‘children are a blessing,’ yet this messaging places children at the bottom of a set hierarchy, defined by obedience, submission, and relationship to a parent.”
The idea of obedience is saturated in Scripture. Jesus said, “If you love me, obey my commandments.” (Jn 14:15) Deuteronomy 6:4-9 also connects the law with love and with teaching that to our kids. Many of the Psalms talk about delighting in God’s law. Jesus says in Matthew that doing what he says is like building your house on a rock where it won’t be shaken. We could go on and on.
Yes, authority can be abused—and it tragically has been. But biblical authority is never about domination; it’s about humility, self-sacrifice, and service.
The Christian life in general is one of submission to the Lord. Authority and obedience are not unbiblical concepts to be discarded; they are part of God’s design for order and flourishing. When a child obeys their parents, they are learning to trust that their parents love them and know what is best. Likewise, our obedience to God is a loving response to His care.
We can and must hold both truths together—authority and love, obedience and grace.
[This interview between Colin Hansen and Jonathan Leeman may be a helpful resource on what biblical authority looks like. He talks about ways authority is abused and how those who use their authority to harm others will be judged for that sin.]
Although the idea of spanking is a pretty good chunk of the book, I’ll make it a short part of the review. Reading their chapter on spanking is hard. I didn’t even know all the ways spanking could be done wrong until reading it. Spanking is a pretty sensitive and personal subject. The authors would likely argue that all spanking is wrong and should be criminalized.
I, however, do not think you can say unequivocally ‘Spanking is bad’ or ‘Spanking is good.’
An important verse we could consider here:
“we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it… They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrew 12:9-11, emphasis mine)
Discipline, whether through correction, boundaries, or consequences, is for the good of the child. There are many ways to discipline, and spanking is only one method. The key is the heart behind it—discipline should never be done in anger or to ‘make a child pay’ for sin. It should always be restorative, loving, and aimed at the child’s good.
Again, the issue isn’t the doctrine; it’s the distortion.
These are some great articles to consider (written by evangelicals): HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE.
Lastly, another concerning argument the authors make is that parents should “allow the child’s inner life to remain their own, private and known by God alone.” They see this as respecting boundaries. But Scripture calls us to bring sin into the light, not to hide it in the dark. Encouraging a child to keep their inner life entirely private—even their struggles or sins—doesn’t foster maturity or healthy autonomy; it fosters isolation.
The authors seem offended by the idea that children might not have a good handle on what is right or wrong.
When Ken Ham observes “They are unable to discriminate between good and evil. They don’t have the discipline to choose between truth and the cleverly crafted evolutionary philosophies”
(MFB & KKM) respond:
“This impoverished view of children’s ability to asses the world around them speaks to a deep ambivalence about their feelings, experiences, and desires” and puts children in an “unflattering light” reminding us that God creates everyone “with the ability to see beauty, experience joy, feel deep love and affection.”
But we can, again, hold two true things here: our kids need help developing self control and discerning right and wrong AND they are image-bearers who can recognize good and beauty.
The authors are right to point out how Jesus responds to children. He says the kingdom belongs to them (Matt 19:14)— that there is an innocence there we should not dismiss.
And yet, sin still creeps in. How unloving would it be to allow my daughter to be left alone to the privacy of her inner thoughts that might tell her she is stupid or unloved or that it feels right to hate her siblings. Practicing privacy of sin taken into adulthood is disastrous when sins become bigger and confessing them becomes harder.
As parents, we’re called to lovingly guide our children’s hearts, helping them identify sin, confess it, and experience the beauty of forgiveness. That’s not control—it’s discipleship.
Recommendation:
If our parenting has become performance-based, angry, or lacking in grace, we should absolutely stop and re-evaluate. If we’ve believed that our children must somehow “atone” for their sins through punishment, we need to repent and return to the gospel.
But the answer is not to abandon foundational Christian doctrines. The solution to bad theology is not less theology—it’s truer theology. The Bible IS helpful for training in righteousness. (2 Tim 3:14-17)
I think the biggest takeaway for parents is to be discerning, making sure you teach your kids all of Scripture, and being well-versed to identify false teaching.
The biggest takeaway for church leaders/teachers is to repent of any unbiblical teaching and boost clarity in your messaging about discipline, parenting and how it relates to the gospel, getting ahead of any distortions or misapplications.
So: is there enough value in this book to outweigh the concerns? For me, probably not. There was more tearing down than building up. And while it raises valid points about abuse and misuse of power, its rejection of historic doctrines and its broad generalizations make it difficult to recommend. Readers could glean the same wisdom about grace, discernment, and gentleness from more biblically grounded books.
If you feel compelled to read this book, read with caution and process the book with other trusted people in your life, holding all things up to Scripture.
There are surely myths to parenting, but believing the Bible has something to say about it, is not one of them.
Sidenotes:
I will add that reading this book for sure makes me more excited to read Good News for Parents: How God Can Restore Our Joy and Relieve Our Burdens by Adam Griffin. The blurb reads: “Be firm with your kids, but not scary. Be friendly, yet maintain authority. Work hard, but prioritize time at home. Parents are faced with an overwhelming mix of advice. Self-help books, blog posts, and endless tips often leave parents feeling more stressed, discouraged, and fearful. Unlike typical self-help books, Good News for Parents reveals the source of lasting freedom found in the person of Jesus Christ.”
I have also read and reviewed several Christian parenting books you can peruse HERE.
We have loved Ellie Holcomb's Sing Album that reminds kids of their identity in Christ and his love for them.
**Received an ARC via NetGalley**
This book just published in October, 2025. You can order a copy of this book using my affiliate link below.
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