Patience

Fruitful Motherhood: Patience
By: Brittany Shields

Patience (/pāSHəns/): forbearance, restraint, endurance, longsuffering, humility

“At its core, patience is the action of submitting to others rather than to our own desires.” (Morrison)

I said this in my introduction post, but when I’m writing these posts its me preaching to myself. And I think this one is the hardest one for me.

Having four kids 5 and under, everyone always needs me right now. And because kids have no qualms with repeating themselves (at any volume) until they are heard/satisfied, my capacity for patience in a day quickly diminishes.

Restraining ourselves during these times is relinquishing hold of our own desires and what we want a situation to look like. It is enduring the ‘abuse’ (aka disobedience, disrespect, or the chaos) of our kids in love rather than responding in anger.

A second aspect of patience in motherhood is the waiting. Much of the Christian life in general is spent waiting and parenting is no different. Whether we’re waiting for our chance to be a mother, waiting for our kids to be out of diapers or out of the season where they don’t care about what we think, or waiting for a chance to do something for ourselves, we also submit ourselves to God’s will and plan for us instead of how we want our families and lives to look.

Submission is hard.

But we come back to devotion and humility.

We submit because we love God and we trust him and we choose to place ourselves in his care. We submit because we understand God knows more than us and can do a better job with our lives and our children than we can.

So we submit. Not because our kids deserve it, but because Jesus did it first.

God is Patient

“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus.” (Rm 15:5)

“The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” (Ps 103:8)

If we think it’s hard to be patient with our own small group of humans, imagine what it’s like for God. He has billions of children and they’re (we’re) all dreadful sinners!

And yet, he loves to show patience and grace to his children. We see his forbearance all throughout Scripture.

Just look at the Israelites.

It was a constant cycle of them defiling God’s name, rebelling, mocking God, and then turning back to God. They made a golden calf. They built altars to pagan gods. They asked for a king to be like other people. The list is long.

But God continually showed grace, forbearance, and forgiveness. Not because they deserved it but because he loved them.

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (2 Pt 3:9)

It’s often said that God is the God of second-chances. And third, and fourth, and fifth, and so on. When we question his patience, we are probably looking at a very small portfolio of evidence. If we really think about all the ways we’ve messed up and fallen short, we realize how longsuffering God truly is.

So when I see how I’ve been treated by God and I look at how I treat my kids…. oof.

Prune

Picture this.

My 3 year old climbs into the toy shopping cart after I told her not to. Because of the nature of wheels she obviously ends up hurting herself. While I’m trying to console her while also making sure she knows it’s her fault she got hurt, my 18 month twins are having a splash fest in the toilet. I clean up one of them and the other one runs and find an empty bean can in the garbage and gets his fingers stuck in the (sharp… I know) lid. My dinner rolls are about to burn in the oven and in two minutes I have to get online to sign my daughter up for preschool camp before it fills up. The 3 year old moves on to drawing on furniture with markers. And during this entire time my 5 year old is shouting a story to me about school that day.

I’m pretty sure my response was not: “Oh sweet darlings everything is orderly and fine and I shall feed you a wonderful meal while we all sit here smiling.”

In full transparency I think I may have spoke this line loudly to my twins- “Why are you the way you are?!”
One-fourth humor, three-fourths frustration.

And then I very impatiently say to my 5 year old to be more patient… The irony is not lost on me.

Or picture this.

My 3 and 5 year old daughters are a chatty bunch with lots of questions. Usually I don’t mind answering questions and I sometimes like the challenge of finding the answers.

But seriously, how many times a day do I have to answer the question - ‘Can I have a snack?’?!
They literally say they’re not hungry and won’t finish their lunch and then stand up from the table and ask for a snack.

They ask questions like ‘What does basically mean?’, ‘Can I go to Hawaii when I’m 7?’, ‘Why is this purple?’, ‘Are the trees not growing much?’, ‘Can I have chips for a snack in two days at 4:12 pm?’

Sometimes these questions are entertaining, but when I’m exhausted and outnumbered and my daughter has changed clothes for the 4th time that day (when I specifically asked her not to…) the questions are too much.

We all have kids who disobey on the regular. Who can’t wait quietly. Who think we’re mean moms.

But Bridges reminds us:

“Impatience with the shortcomings of others often has its roots in pride.”  

All of these events were an attack on my desires, what I wanted the day to look like, what I wanted to do with my time, how I wanted my children to behave.

“God bears with great patience the provocation of sinful, rebellious men who despise His authority and ignore or show contempt for His law.”

We have sinful, rebellious children who despise our authority and ignore our rules and eat all our snacks.

If I want to show them and teach them about God’s forbearance with them, I need to prune my pride, anger, and my picture-perfect days, and reflect the patience of He who endures far more than I do.

Grow

There’s not much we can do to make headway on patience without the Holy Spirit.

We have to remember our Source.

When I’m being impatient and angry, I’m being reactive and impulsive, letting the stress of the moment overpower my reason and compassion.

When I find myself here, I need to take a breath and consider this:

“[Patience] enables us to control our tempers when we are provoked and to seek to deal with the person and his provocation in a way that tends to heal relationships rather than aggravate problems. It seeks the ultimate good of the other individual rather than the immediate satisfaction of our own aroused emotions.”

and this:

“We discipline our children out of anger, while God disciplines us out of love. We are eager to punish the person who provokes us, while God is eager to forgive. We are eager to exercise our authority, while God is eager to exercise His love.” (Bridges)

I obviously can’t let my kids make the rules and allow them to run the show and dictate the day. That wouldn’t be for their good. I’m called to show them grace, patience, and mercy. But I also teach them to walk in God’s ways. We teach them that when they obey us, they show us they love us, just as we do when we obey God.

But I can teach them obedience without being angry and and thrusting the full weight of my authority on them.

I can stop being so reactive and focus on the tone and volume of my voice, my word choice, and my body language. And just as with peace, I need to be ready to ask for forgiveness when I miss the mark.

The second aspect of patience requires waiting. Endurance in a different sense.

“The cure for impatience with the fulfillment of God’s timetable is to believe His promises, obey His will, and leave the results to Him.”  (Bridges)

We may be experiencing hardship or pain. We may desperately want to be a mom and feel like it’s never going to happen. We may feel the difficulty of our kids’ ages. We may be waiting for the opportunity to follow one of our dreams.

But all waiting is a time of growth.

“Endurance can be produced only under stress, whether physical or spiritual.” (Bridges)

Our muscles don’t grow if we don’t use them. But when we put them to work, we see the growth. Cardio endurance isn’t strengthened by sitting on the couch (I’ve tried).

In the same way, we grow in endurance when our bodies, hearts, and minds, are put to work.

“Endurance is the ability to stand up under adversity; perseverance is the ability to progress in spite of it.”  (Bridges)

To bear the fruit of patience we are thoughtful instead of reactive and we exercise our trust God with our waiting.

Nourish and Fortify

Fruit doesn’t grow without nourishment and water.

Jesus is the light, the living water, and our daily bread.

Reflect on these verses from his word that will help us bear fruit.

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” (Rm 12:12)

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He… set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.” (Ps 40:1-3)

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Gal 6:9)

“Jesus answered him ‘What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” (Jn 13:7)

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Is 40:31)

Pray

Dear God,

Thank you for your forbearance with me when I have turned away from you. Thank you for giving us the Bible that details all the ways you show grace and mercy when your people didn’t deserve it. I am amazed by your love that time and time again you take me back. You already paid the price for all my sins and I could never repay you!

Instead I’ve done a poor job of showing this same forbearance with my own children. Every day my patience runs out far too early. I react to my kids in anger and frustration because I am overwhelmed by all of it. I want them to know and understand your love and longsuffering but I can’t do it on my own.

Help me to be thoughtful when I discipline. Help me keep my anger in check and to use words and consequences that are for their good and don’t just merely satisfy my emotions. Give me endurance with my crazy bunch and the energy to keep up with them!

Help me to also trust in you as I wait for whatever is next. I don’t want to wish away where you have me right now. I want to be satisfied in you even when it’s hard.

Thank you for hearing me. I praise you that you have the power to change my heart and strengthen my family. Lead us all to you.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Books Referenced:

The Fruitful Life: The Overflow of God’s Love Through You by Jerry Bridges

The Fruit of the Spirit: Walk by the Spirit, Bear His Fruit by Sarah Morrison (The Daily Grace Co.)

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