Self Control

Fruitful Motherhood: Self-Control
By: Brittany Shields

Self-Control (/ˈˌself kənˈtrōl/): restraint, self-denial, non-indulgence

“Self-control is the believer’s wall of defense against the sinful desires that wage war against his soul.” (Bridges)

Self-control implies that there is something in us that needs to be controlled and something that can achieve it.

I don’t think it takes much self-reflection to find what needs to be restrained. We can get out of control in so many ways— our thoughts, our words, our actions, what we eat, how we spend our time, how we spend our money. The list is endless.

We often do the things we don’t want to do. (Rm 7:15)

But there is hope for us yet. If God calls us to be self-controlled, then there is a way!

God always provides a way out of temptation. (1 Cor 10:13)

He has also given us the Spirit to give us the strength to say no to sin and yes to righteousness. We can take captive every thought and seek to put off our sinful desires. We are no longer slaves to sin and we don’t have to be controlled by our every yearning.

God is Self-Controlled

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” (Heb 4:15)

“He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.” (1 Pt 2:22)

There is a caveat here. Jesus was self-controlled, but not in the same way as we are. There is no sin in Jesus that he is resisting. He is perfect.

Yet, we know he was tempted. As soon as he was baptized and began his ministry, he went into the desert to be tempted by Satan. Satan offered him power and dominion. Yet Jesus clung to his Father and followed his Father’s plan; he did not swerve to the left or the right.

I love the illustration that C.S. Lewis gives when we think about Jesus’ temptation. We often think, ‘Well Jesus was perfect so of course he didn’t sin, it was easy for him.’

But imagine a man walking against a very strong wind. He pushes through as long as he can but eventually the wind is too strong and he lies down, giving in. He doesn’t know what it would have felt to keep walking in that wind for another ten minutes. Well Jesus never laid down. He endured all the strong winds, the temptations and yearnings, but he never gave in. He understands temptation better than all of us!

He endured abuse and injustice that day on Calvary. Mocked, whipped, slain when he did no wrong. And he never condemned them; he never used his power to strike them down. He walked that road, bearing that cross, with a heart full of love.

“He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth.” (Is 53:7)

He was always in control.

And the same power that raised him from the dead, lives in us. The same power that kept him from sin, lives in us.

Hallelujah for the cross! We have hope and saving grace from the sin that rages inside us.

Prune

“It is in our thought life that our emotions and actions begin, and that sinful desires plant their roots and entice us into sin.” (Bridges)

When we think of self-control we most often think of binge-eating, binge-watching Netflix, or sexual promiscuity. And those are absolutely ways we falter. But our sin is rooted in our thought patterns.

What sinful thought patterns do I have toward my kids or my husband?

Bridges helps us out here:

“Resentment, bitterness, and self-pity build up inside our hearts and eat away at our spiritual lives like a slowly spreading cancer… They put our disappointments, our wounded pride, or our shattered dreams on the thrones of our hearts, where they become idols to us.”

That’s a convicting quote. Maybe I have a lot of self-discipline when it comes to Oreos and reality TV, but do I think about what I think about? What are my thoughts?

If I harbor sinful thoughts, even when I don’t voice them, they affect me. They influence my emotions and they influence my behavior.

They create idols!

If I think about my kids as an inconvenience. I will treat them that way. If I resent the freedom my husband has that I don’t when I’m home with the kids, that will eat away at our intimacy and our trust. If I pity myself for not having the career that another mother has, my pursuit of self-fulfillment will become an idol.

Our idols will stand in the way of our access to the Spirit’s power to be self-controlled. Instead we will be controlled by our idols, our sinful and unmet desires.

All of the fruit of the Spirit overlap and play off each other, but I think self-control plays a big role in each of them.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness all require us to sacrifice. We may sacrifice our sense of justice, we may sacrifice our time and resources, we may sacrifice our picture of how we want our life to look.

And by ‘may’ I mean ‘will.’

Self-control is self-denial.

That is the theme of the fruit of the Spirit.

We deny ourselves and we put others first. We deny ourselves and we pick up our cross and we follow Christ.

Self-control requires that we prune away our selfishness, our sinful desires, our sinful thought patterns. We prune away the thoughts that say- ‘Me first. What I want at any cost. My way because I deserve it.’

Grow

In his article on self-control David Mathis says, “The key to self-control is not inward, but upward.”  

Morrison says that self-control “means to place higher value and worth on the Lord’s desires than our own.”

The more we know God, the more we know his desires. The more we know God, the more we love him and want to obey him.

How do we know God? By reading his Word.

D. L. Moody said, ‘God’s Word will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from God’s Word.’ 

We grow in self-control by reading the Bible.

We also grow in self-control by obedience.

“The will is strengthened by obedience. The more we say no to sinful desires, the more we will be able to say no.” (Bridges)

Obeying will lead to greater obedience. Don’t think ahead to allll the future times you need to say no. Don’t let it be overwhelming. Focus on the choices of today.

Strengthen your will.

We may take steps backward, but self-control requires perseverance and the will to move forward, toward obedience.

And every day we acknowledge our emptiness, our complete inability to do it on our own. Every time we obey, each sinful desire we say no to, we credit God and thank the Holy Spirit for enabling us to pursue righteousness.

Pride will hinder us from self-control.

Another way we grow in self-control is taking every thought captive.

Evaluate how we’re thinking about things. When we can tell we’re spiraling into resentment or bitterness, catch ourselves and think about our thought patterns. How do we need to change our thinking? Pray that God would change our thinking and our heart towards our children and our spouse.

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Phil 4:8)

Nourish and Fortify

Fruit doesn’t grow without nourishment and water.

Jesus is the light, the living water, and our daily bread.

Reflect on these verses from his word that will help us bear fruit.

“And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Lk 9:23)

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)

“It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one’s own glory. A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” (Prov 25:27-29)

“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” (2 Tim 3:1-5)

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age…” (Titus 2:11-12)

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  (2 Pt 1:5-8)

“‘All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything… Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Cor 6:12, 19-20)

Pray

Dear God,

You are powerful and mighty! You endured more than I could ever imagine and you triumphed over all sin and temptation! May I become more and more like you!

My sinful desires are at war with my desire to obey you. They are stronger than my will sometimes. I do the things I don’t want to do, and I don’t do the things I know I should. Sometimes it feels like I fail more than I obey.

Help me to obey. Strengthen my will power to say ‘no’ and help me to see the way out of my temptations. I know with your help I can do it. Enable me to deny myself for others. I am selfish and prideful and I need your grace to help me love you more than my own desires.

Let my words, my thoughts, my actions be acceptable in your eyes, for you know me completely.

Thank you for loving me through my failure. Thank you for your forgiveness when I disobey. Thank you for your sanctifying power until I am finally made holy in heaven. Help me persevere til the very end!

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Books Referenced:

The Fruitful Life: The Overflow of God’s Love Through You by Jerry Bridges

The Fruit of the Spirit: Walk by the Spirit, Bear His Fruit by Sarah Morrison (The Daily Grace Co.)

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